Jokes Thread -- Post all jokes here :)

[lesee]

LMFAO that is so wrong LOL ha ha had me goin with that one

[wlmartinek]

Those flapping B@@b's really raise h*ll with the pitch and Yaw. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[cleaninfaery]

bill.. i love it when you are so bad..lol

[lesee]

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>
>A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
>The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He
>answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She
>directs him down the correct aisle.
>A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and
>a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought
>you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
>He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife
>to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a
>tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; 'cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo
>much cheaper.'
>So, I figure if I have to roll my own......... . so does she."
>( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )



WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>
>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying
>a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
>them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
>of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
>"Relatives of yours?"
>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



W O R D S
>
>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
>women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The
>reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."
>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


THE SILENT TREATMENT
>
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
>giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
>that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
>for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to
>break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please
>wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
>9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go
>and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece
>of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

[lesee]

Husband and wife in bed together.
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His hand moves to her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His hand moves to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."

[cleaninfaery]

ooohh..bless you both you have made my day so much better :D

[Keesa]

Two old Indian men - funnee!!!


TWO OLD INDIAN MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD INDIANS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM.
THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD INDIAN MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"

"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."

HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."

"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."

[lesee]

LOL that was a good one :D

[wlmartinek]

You girls have made my night . :lol: :lol: Have a Happy Easter :!: :!:
Bill

[riverswork16]

:lol: :lol: that was funny....lol