Jokes Thread -- Post all jokes here :)

[009]

Here is a funny line:


"My grandfather came here from Ireland, in search of a better life. Then my grandmother came after him."

[009]

Here are a few more:

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken rolls over, lights a cigarette, and says, "Well I guess that answers *that* question..."

[009]

A man comes into doctor's office with a string bean in one ear, a banana in the other ear, and a grape in his nostril. The doctor says "You haven't been eating right!"

[009]

"I was the only Asian in my high school that failed math. When I failed, the eight kids sitting around me failed too." -Dat Phan

[pkinhawaii]

Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving.................
> 1. Talk about a huge breast!
> 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
> 3. It's Cool Whip time!
> 4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
> 5. That's one terrific spread!
> 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
> 7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
> 8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
> 9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
> 10. Don't play with your meat.
> 11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
> 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these
> people at once?
> 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
> 14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
> 15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
> 16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
> 17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
> 18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen...
............



BRUCE & JENNY:

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, 'Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.'

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies,
'Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?'

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, 'In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.'

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge
grin,

'Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.

You'll need to support Jenny.' Again, Bruce instantly replies, 'Our allowance. Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.'

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of yourown?'

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, 'Well, we've been lucky so far.'
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little &&=+ is adorable.

[6string]

Why is Santa so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls are!

[barbshome]

HERES A GOOD JOKE FOR US CANADIANS

Canadian Joke of the Year so far

An American couple is standing in an airport terminal somewhere in the States, waiting for their luggage.
The wife happens to notice an oddly dressed man also waiting. She asks her husband where he thinks the man is from.

The husband says he doesn't know but decides to ask the man and approaches him.
"Where are you from?" he asks the man.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan" he replies.
Puzzled, the husband returns to his wife.
"Well, where is he from?" asks the wife.

"I don't know" replies the husband.
"He doesn't speak English

[GrandmaGreen]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby . . . Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "Yes! Yes! I Won! I Won!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know . . . I thought you were watching." The Moral of the Story: Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men ... are men.

[FisherPerson]

A blond is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 'Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'

The blond starts crying, to her husband she said sobbing, 'That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blond, still sobbing, asks, 'How many is a Brazilian?'

[mom7heaven]

Just saying hi and that i like these jokes !!!