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[Smokinmedic]

Great stuff u guys!!! Keep it up!! I will post some if I ever get back to my email!!!

[Smokinmedic]

Very Funny guys!! I will post a few in awhile!! Good stuff!!

[RobinRene1965]

You go girl Love ya Site!!!!

[MUDDFISH]

THIS IS ONE FROM ANOTHER THREAD I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO GREAT IN THIS CATEGORY WITH FUNNY EMAILS




INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 20 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0,NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
20
Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE,


First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0update. If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applica tions Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband =2 0 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

[MUDDFISH]

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

My motto for most nights anymore...


A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory


Amen...


I may be schizophrenic, But at least I have each other

No comment....



I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....



KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

Yep, where my ex-husband is from.... explains a lot, doesn't it???


When you work here,
You can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred

Mine is named Georgie-Porgie....


Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

another Amen......


I am having an out-of-money experience.

as usual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MUDDFISH]

Now I know why there are a gazillion of those suckers in a package

whenever you go to buy them!





COFFEE FILTERS: Not just for making coffee...



01. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.





02. Clean windows and mirrors. Coffee filters are lint free

so they'll leave windows sparkling.



03. Protect china. Separate your good dishes by putting a coffee filter between each dish.



04. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.



05. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.



06. Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.



07. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.



08. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.



09. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.



10. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.



11. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.



12. Do you think we use expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters.



13. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, french fries, chicken fingers, etc. on them. Soaks out all the grease.



14. Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor-nick fixers."